past:
present:
future:

worst week in a while


my thoughts and prayers are with so many people and families right now.

nice choice of color for that vestibule

the only thing good about sandwich cruz right now is sitting at vieve's kitchen table watching her color her stupid human evolution coloring book while drinking coffee thinking about my fish dream, waiting for the call to go back to sf....last night was.....intense.

p.s. never eating cheese. again.


no love for this:

tehehehehe :)

me in a nut(sack)shell

oh man, i wrote something after 4 weeks

xv

you don’t leave hell unless you’ve been nursing pomegranate muscles against rotting teeth. you don’t leave hell unless digging rug burns from coal cut cuticles gets tiring, pulling up daisy carpets gets lonelier. roaring flute beats from piper pan beast, steam roller subway service station, edible arrangements taunted by hour glass changes. you don’t leave hell unless you believe yourself, until anxiety slays the ignorance, she tattooed teeth onto her fangs to bite down, twice allowed, you don’t leave. you are a circle cross interlocking, you are a spoon fed serpent with paper cut collages, you know it. you don’t leave hell unless you’re the devil, the, the, the devil (reversed).

EVER.SO.SLOWLY.coming out of my writers block............ever so slowly.....molasses slow...paint drying slow...10th grade 2 mile run in p.e. slow, special ed slow, the years go fast but the days go so slow slow.....just slow.


p.s. crater face was here rattling like a fragment of angry candy(slow)

oh, bother

stalking her




it's almost unfair sleeping next to this when it has a boyfriend:

um best night of my lyfe yet

the world be ready

p.s. crater face was here, makin ya stir crazy

i <3 a good stoop

don't you?

don't let one person ruin "trust" for you.....not everyone is a raging...well i just won't say

WU TANG BE FO THE CHILDRENS

CRATER FACE WAS HERE WAXIN' N WANIN' YA

steve miller band - the joker

got the block real bad.......

things i'm stoked about:

-autumn in san francisco

-rock n roll high school dvd i found at my parents house

-not being in oak park anymore

-tarot

-knowing that everything is ok

-crater face

-developing skill

-memorization

-lit quake

-seeing vieve next weekend

-tuesday october 13 @ 9:45 pm aka bob dylan midterm will be over

-coffee

-really into coffee

-valerie vargas

-black sabbath

-cocorosie

-new types of art

-making things with my hands

-dia de los muertos

-sugar skulls

-tattoos

-$$ for tattoos

-celebrating life

-THE DEVIL - reversed

-QUEEN OF CUPS

-ellen page

-"i was putting too much pressure on you"

-dreams

ew for republicans on this one

yay for putting gender/orientation/identity/disability into the mix

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/09/us/politics/09hate.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&ref=us&adxnnlx=1255111575-6iF6RyuSAINSxWc6OYZ8PQ

NICOLE!!! wake up, crazy, and smell the possibilities that you might be missing because you're stuffing your nose with doubt....put that in a jar and shove it!

the, the devil, the, the, the devil

why aren’t you in prison? the breeding place of unspoken consequences will ultimately send the buzzards swarming, chewing meat off your bones, swallowing salt flesh down their throats and i’d hold the crown of my head on tight afraid i might loose it with my neck fallen backwards laughing, you deserve a lot more than skin pecked off your bones.  

vieve, remember this chick?

vieve, remember her? i think the only difference is the hair and ...well i guess everything but the facial expressions tehehe

turning into dust

they're just young at heart and feelin it.....

been caught haikuing when i was five, i like haikuing.

i wish there was something i could do to take my best friends pain away...i guess just being a constant will have to do. 

this leche

galaxy awaits you

bold statement: cocorosie is in my top 5 favorite bands

i scout like atticus finch

fast cars, who the hell is aes rock......i'm an artist, please don't laugh at me

Who's that walking with a hole in his head?
Bazooka Tooth, Gemini, I came to break bread.
What's a troop's recipe for treacherous times?
I tell 'em fast cars, danger, fire and knives, lets go
Fast cars, danger, fire and knives... 
I got her majesty Athena riding shotty wide-eyed

Its like never mind the bullocks.....Fuck
Like every other week these hipster tabloids jumping on and off my sex pistol's bullets. 
Like every other week he spins the bottle. 
Like every other week these fucking fanzines forget if they spit or swallow. 
Too bad your inner sheep never forgets to follow, 
cuz my inner greed to feed your hate for loving us is hostile. 
Fortunate for me it coincides with what comes natural, 
so the mongrels that I run with turn the fuck yous into fast food. 
Like a little freak sick of the 3 o'clock bully knuckle dust, nursing his last shiner, finds the shoebox in his mother's truck. 
Tomorrow's extra curricular punching bag 
will finger daddy's widow maker out a brown lunch bag (bang!). 
This is where the hunch back 
snake oil peddlers 
stuck under the burgundy sky of spaghetti westerns 
tend to bubble up. 
Weathermen huddle up. 
Today the son of one too many 'yes sir's kings his checkers, 
watch the double jump. 
Back with a platter of hot leeches that'll drink up-every bloody drop down to the last diseases, 
it's A-E-S-O-P-R-O-C-K, 
the peak twister. 
Defender of the son of Vaughn Bode's Cheech Wizard. 
I used to pray the treatments got easier with my aging 
like serotonin weekends was merely comedic hazing. 
Wrong, but along his travels located the key to world peace: 
“kill every motherfucker but me.” 
You cool with that? 
Cool. Bang. 
You? 
Cool. Hang. 
You? 
No? 
Uh... bang? 
Cool. 
Sorry, dog, rules are rules. 
And too long have I followed yours. I'm trying to get them years back, 
and walk through every cipher with dynamite in a beer hat.

life's peachy, like james and the giant

VIEVE!!!!! 10 days n counting

sloth me, now. 

just don't talk to me for 24 hours, then after 24 hours we can go tanning ;)

vieva feva

i could just about die

you are the fairy princess to my weathered dream

this side of the blue, joanna newsom

Svetlana sucks lemons across from me
And I am progressing abominably
And I do not know my own way to the sea
But the saltiest sea knows its own way to me

And the city that turns, turns protracted and slow
And I find myself toeing the embarcadero
And I find myself knowing the things that I knew
Which is all that you can know on this side of the blue

And Jaime has eyes black and shiny as boots
And they march at you, two-by-two, re-loo re-loo
When she looks at you, you know she's nowhere near through
It's the kindest heart beating this side of the blue

And the signifieds butt heads with the signifiers 
And we all fall down slack-jawed to marvel at words
While across the sky sheet the impossible birds
In a steady, illiterate movement homewards

And Gabriel stands beneath forest and moon
See them rattle and boo, see them shake, see them loom
See him fashion a cap from a page of Camus
See him navigate deftly this side of the blue

And the rest of our lives will the moments accrue
When the shape of their goneness will flare up anew
And we do what we have to do, re-loo re-loo
Which is all you can do on this side of the blue
Oh it's all that you can do on this side of the blue

i never want to talk to you again, sorry. 

don't call me, don't text me, don't write, e-mail, draw, think, come up to me in private or public.

it's not worth losing the most important thing. 

i'm entirely sick to my stomach at how bad i fucked up. peace. 

human the death dance by buddy wakefield

i cried when i first read this. 

On the face of her phone

Wileen programs a message to herself

so that when the alarm clock rings

the screen flashes: 

EVERY DAY IS ONE DAY LESS.

EVERY DAY IS ONE DAY LESS.

Jordan tattoos the words 

FORGIVE ME

in thick black letters 

down the inside of his arm 

so that when he looks at his wrist 

he will remember not to hate himself so much.

What they both keep forgetting 

is there is life after survival.

After Dave left 

Mary started sticking her face 

between the film projector 

and the movie screen 

so that when the credits roll 

she still gets to be somebody.

When Tara’s past comes back 

she mashes chalk into the sidewalk 

until her knuckles bleed. 

She scribbles and scrapes 

and scribbles and scrapes 

until the words take shape 

and this is what they say 

I wanna die motherfucker

die DIE motherfucker.

hold tight if I love ya 

cause it might not last long.

we’re all gonna die. 

That’s the exciting part. 

It’s learning how to live for a living.

there’s the tricky stitch. 

Just ask Denise 

whose family taught her when she came into this world 

that Family equals Love 

so Denise took that seriously 

but after a lifetime of craving acceptance from their cruelty

she now finds herself jamming polaroid pictures of these people into a typewriter 

and pounding out the last letter of the word mercy 

over and over again. 

She strikes the key Y. 

Y? Y? Y? Y? Y?!

And the answer? 

The answer comes in the form of a hand written letter from the moon.

that says: 

This is brutally beautiful. 

So are we.

This is endless. 

So are we. 

We can heal this.

Signed, 

Crater Face 

P.S. See me for who I am. 

We’ve got work to do.

But my father

he didn’t read moon 

he didn’t speak moon 

and he didn’t write moon

so there was no note left next to his body

when he chose to leave this world on purpose 

without telling us where he was goin’ or why.

There are still days you can catch me 

tape recording eternal silence 

and playing it backwards for an empty room 

just so I can listen to his dying wish.

Yes, 

it’s true,

and the apple  

it doesn’t fall too far from the tree, 

but thank goodness my family tree 

was in an orchard on a hill 

that rolled me to the river 

and that river ripped me through the rapids 

and those rapids 

rushed me into this moment 

right here right now 

with you 

at the mouth 

This is my church 

And if church is a house of healing 

hallelujah welcome 

come on in as you are 

have a look around 

stay out of my porn.

There are massive stacks of bad choices in my backyard. 

Clearly I have not yet reached enlightenment beyond a few fleeting moments 

but I’m tryin’ 

and I found somethin’ here I want ya to have. 

It ain’t much 

just a story 

but it’s all I’ve got  

so take it.

It’s called Dillon.

Dillon’s drug of choice was more 

so he took more 

and more 

until the day he woke up 

babbling in a pool of his own traffic jam 

realizing he is killing off the best parts of himself 

and claiming he could read people’s skin. 

When he looked down at his heart flap 

it read Boy, go find your spine and ride it outta here.

Wileen’s gut said Day 1 

Jordan’s arms: FULLY FORGIVEN 

Mary’s face: The 

Endless.

Tara’s knuckles: Healing. 

Denise’s fingertip said C? 

C.C.C.C.C! 

And Dillon said my smile it said Fix it

so I came back here to the mouth of the river 

to look at my own reflection under the moonlight 

and see what it says for myself 

where down my whole body 

it is written 

P.S. 

See me for who I am. 

We’ve got work to do.

As for Crater Face,

I can’t speak for that guy. 

His skin 

brutally beautiful 

handwritten letter 

from the sun.

housewife

thanks, joni mitchell.

IT'S OCTOBER! yummmmm my favorite month since i was a kid..............and time flies like doves.

um one of the best movies i've seen in so long, Sita Sings the Blues. so creative...i'm totally getting this peacock record player tattooed, yum mami