i cried when i first read this.
On the face of her phone
Wileen programs a message to herself
so that when the alarm clock rings
the screen flashes:
EVERY DAY IS ONE DAY LESS.
EVERY DAY IS ONE DAY LESS.
Jordan tattoos the words
FORGIVE ME
in thick black letters
down the inside of his arm
so that when he looks at his wrist
he will remember not to hate himself so much.
What they both keep forgetting
is there is life after survival.
After Dave left
Mary started sticking her face
between the film projector
and the movie screen
so that when the credits roll
she still gets to be somebody.
When Tara’s past comes back
she mashes chalk into the sidewalk
until her knuckles bleed.
She scribbles and scrapes
and scribbles and scrapes
until the words take shape
and this is what they say
I wanna die motherfucker
die DIE motherfucker.
hold tight if I love ya
cause it might not last long.
we’re all gonna die.
That’s the exciting part.
It’s learning how to live for a living.
there’s the tricky stitch.
Just ask Denise
whose family taught her when she came into this world
that Family equals Love
so Denise took that seriously
but after a lifetime of craving acceptance from their cruelty
she now finds herself jamming polaroid pictures of these people into a typewriter
and pounding out the last letter of the word mercy
over and over again.
She strikes the key Y.
Y? Y? Y? Y? Y?!
And the answer?
The answer comes in the form of a hand written letter from the moon.
that says:
This is brutally beautiful.
So are we.
This is endless.
So are we.
We can heal this.
Signed,
Crater Face
P.S. See me for who I am.
We’ve got work to do.
But my father
he didn’t read moon
he didn’t speak moon
and he didn’t write moon
so there was no note left next to his body
when he chose to leave this world on purpose
without telling us where he was goin’ or why.
There are still days you can catch me
tape recording eternal silence
and playing it backwards for an empty room
just so I can listen to his dying wish.
Yes,
it’s true,
and the apple
it doesn’t fall too far from the tree,
but thank goodness my family tree
was in an orchard on a hill
that rolled me to the river
and that river ripped me through the rapids
and those rapids
rushed me into this moment
right here right now
with you
at the mouth
This is my church
And if church is a house of healing
hallelujah welcome
come on in as you are
have a look around
stay out of my porn.
There are massive stacks of bad choices in my backyard.
Clearly I have not yet reached enlightenment beyond a few fleeting moments
but I’m tryin’
and I found somethin’ here I want ya to have.
It ain’t much
just a story
but it’s all I’ve got
so take it.
It’s called Dillon.
Dillon’s drug of choice was more
so he took more
and more
until the day he woke up
babbling in a pool of his own traffic jam
realizing he is killing off the best parts of himself
and claiming he could read people’s skin.
When he looked down at his heart flap
it read Boy, go find your spine and ride it outta here.
Wileen’s gut said Day 1
Jordan’s arms: FULLY FORGIVEN
Mary’s face: The
Endless.
Tara’s knuckles: Healing.
Denise’s fingertip said C?
C.C.C.C.C!
And Dillon said my smile it said Fix it
so I came back here to the mouth of the river
to look at my own reflection under the moonlight
and see what it says for myself
where down my whole body
it is written
P.S.
See me for who I am.
We’ve got work to do.
As for Crater Face,
I can’t speak for that guy.
His skin
brutally beautiful
handwritten letter
from the sun.
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