ramblin on

a lot to think about. i feel fluidity when it comes to gender, (generally) (outside of the queer world, i suppose) people find their genders of "male" or "female" to be relatively permanate, in the sense that they would never question which gender they feel connected with. in this moment my gender falls into "-less", can't say i really identify with either, more on the masculine side though. can't say i hate my boobs, but can't say i love them either. i don't have a boy body, but i feel more like a boy than a girl. i don't think i "truly" identify as a lesbian anymore either, isn't the definition of lesbian, woman attracted to another woman? but if i don't identify as a woman then i wouldn't fall under that catagory. so i'm queer. totally homo. i don't feel a connection with "ze" or "hir" ...so in this moment i'll stay with feminine pronouns, but nothing else feminine attached. thinking about names and how i've never felt like "nicole", but i do like the name, i don't know, that's something to think about. while doing some research i remembered that feeling more masculine doesn't mean that you have to be a macho man, it's all about comfortablity. and i am comfortable to say that i am detached from the two "main" genders and if i was going to catagorize myself this would be it(in no particular order): third gender, andro, human, person, poet, breather, queer, homo, lover, offspring, sibling, friend, thinker, observer, speaker, listener, practicer, nic.