readings:
april 5 - quiet lightning at gestalt, 16th @ valencia 7pm $2
april 27 - new sensationalists at bollywood cafe, no idea
falling is like THIS
heart/open/wide/happy
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
323 number
food demons
brother
holy wood
slams
trans
gender
race
voiceless
stoop poems
brokenhearts
moving on
breathelessness
"rager 15th and shotwell"
who is this
dolores
the perfect apartment with lime green window panes and windows that let the light flood in and a couch with a quilt and a kitchen with pots and pans and the bread you will bake me and the flowers i will buy myself and the bed in the corner with tear stains from laughter and no need for body pillows and alice b. toklas who comes when you call for her and a yellow bathroom and a record player with no dust and a wall of books and a collection of shoes and a polaroid of us in bow ties laughing about the first time and i was 25 and you were a phone call questioning my name and remembering a request i had given you when i was 22 and had stood before you, say call me on your birthday, find me, whatever you have to do, just find me, and you said you'd have a year and i knew it'd only be a day and you'd have brown hair by then and you'd have traveled to south america by then and you'd have written some jokes by then and read the book about the seagulls by then and memorized my poems by then and quit smoking and then started again by then and thought about children and dreamt about me and drove a car up into the hills and stood in a crowd and didn't feel ashamed by then and be even more beautiful by then and you'd have decorated your room in photography of ancient cities by then and decided that washington is still the forest you'd like to die in with me and you'd have found the diary i once wrote in by then-in your kitchen, in a long sought after universe of pickled green beans and a glass of wine it said: welcome to the human race, you're a mess.
shirley temple
taking the sky and turning it into tights
i want colors
here's red
i'm sorry
trying not to be the asshole
seeing people on the street i could know
oatmeal
feeling bad
playing a part
stoked
feeling myself
happiness comes to those
crossing the street at dolores and 16th
n.i.c.o.l.e.
my laundry will be done by tomorrow
brother
holy wood
slams
trans
gender
race
voiceless
stoop poems
brokenhearts
moving on
breathelessness
"rager 15th and shotwell"
who is this
dolores
the perfect apartment with lime green window panes and windows that let the light flood in and a couch with a quilt and a kitchen with pots and pans and the bread you will bake me and the flowers i will buy myself and the bed in the corner with tear stains from laughter and no need for body pillows and alice b. toklas who comes when you call for her and a yellow bathroom and a record player with no dust and a wall of books and a collection of shoes and a polaroid of us in bow ties laughing about the first time and i was 25 and you were a phone call questioning my name and remembering a request i had given you when i was 22 and had stood before you, say call me on your birthday, find me, whatever you have to do, just find me, and you said you'd have a year and i knew it'd only be a day and you'd have brown hair by then and you'd have traveled to south america by then and you'd have written some jokes by then and read the book about the seagulls by then and memorized my poems by then and quit smoking and then started again by then and thought about children and dreamt about me and drove a car up into the hills and stood in a crowd and didn't feel ashamed by then and be even more beautiful by then and you'd have decorated your room in photography of ancient cities by then and decided that washington is still the forest you'd like to die in with me and you'd have found the diary i once wrote in by then-in your kitchen, in a long sought after universe of pickled green beans and a glass of wine it said: welcome to the human race, you're a mess.
shirley temple
taking the sky and turning it into tights
i want colors
here's red
i'm sorry
trying not to be the asshole
seeing people on the street i could know
oatmeal
feeling bad
playing a part
stoked
feeling myself
happiness comes to those
crossing the street at dolores and 16th
n.i.c.o.l.e.
my laundry will be done by tomorrow
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
ramblin on
a lot to think about. i feel fluidity when it comes to gender, (generally) (outside of the queer world, i suppose) people find their genders of "male" or "female" to be relatively permanate, in the sense that they would never question which gender they feel connected with. in this moment my gender falls into "-less", can't say i really identify with either, more on the masculine side though. can't say i hate my boobs, but can't say i love them either. i don't have a boy body, but i feel more like a boy than a girl. i don't think i "truly" identify as a lesbian anymore either, isn't the definition of lesbian, woman attracted to another woman? but if i don't identify as a woman then i wouldn't fall under that catagory. so i'm queer. totally homo. i don't feel a connection with "ze" or "hir" ...so in this moment i'll stay with feminine pronouns, but nothing else feminine attached. thinking about names and how i've never felt like "nicole", but i do like the name, i don't know, that's something to think about. while doing some research i remembered that feeling more masculine doesn't mean that you have to be a macho man, it's all about comfortablity. and i am comfortable to say that i am detached from the two "main" genders and if i was going to catagorize myself this would be it(in no particular order): third gender, andro, human, person, poet, breather, queer, homo, lover, offspring, sibling, friend, thinker, observer, speaker, listener, practicer, nic.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
i'm not mindfucking. i want to be honest. went about this in the most ridiculous way, but it happens and all you can do is move forward and hope that (her) feelings for (me) are strong enough to push past my own insecurities of not knowing anything at all about relationships or starting ones or what they're made up of and that the detatchment for the day tore at me and all i wanted to do was see her but all i wanted to do was give her space and have her know i want her, for her and that there are no expectations and that crushing her was so far from intended and i'm sorry and i want this and i want her and maybe it was bad timing but i don't want to associate the word "bad" with anything that has to do with her, so it's just timing, it was timing and time is moving but it feels like it has stood still with her. i don't want a label, i don't even care, i just want her hand in mine and her head on my chest. and all i can hope is that she'll call me tomorrow.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
two poems from my new project:
ii.
now we can start a band.
we can sound like radiohead
but under a machine gun of
lights
muffled by the underwater
purging of sound
drowned out
by our own yellow
and gold rays of
vibrations.
and i’d sleep on matted earth
and you’d drink sea salt
mixed in your
glass cup
printed with bouquets of ice
flowers
and i’d wear copper
on my wrist
and it would conduct
electricity,
as it should.
ix.
found the cracked shell
of sapphire incrusted lantern
from peasant market in morocco,
kept it to hang from the rafters
project light on the night mummer,
i should have stayed to watch her dance
like peacock feathers wouldn’t have suffocated
the colors from the long stretched limbs
of goddesses parading,
and she was.
if i had spun her weaves
of gemini webs
she would have taken swords of fury to her breast
and i would have seen her calf muscles ache
like signs of jesus,
beneath us,
and she was.
and the broken bones
of her feet would spell out,
genevieve,
and i’d run quickly
after i’d found her buried
under pine branches,
caking dirt into the forest floor,
that’s what
she was.
ii.
now we can start a band.
we can sound like radiohead
but under a machine gun of
lights
muffled by the underwater
purging of sound
drowned out
by our own yellow
and gold rays of
vibrations.
and i’d sleep on matted earth
and you’d drink sea salt
mixed in your
glass cup
printed with bouquets of ice
flowers
and i’d wear copper
on my wrist
and it would conduct
electricity,
as it should.
ix.
found the cracked shell
of sapphire incrusted lantern
from peasant market in morocco,
kept it to hang from the rafters
project light on the night mummer,
i should have stayed to watch her dance
like peacock feathers wouldn’t have suffocated
the colors from the long stretched limbs
of goddesses parading,
and she was.
if i had spun her weaves
of gemini webs
she would have taken swords of fury to her breast
and i would have seen her calf muscles ache
like signs of jesus,
beneath us,
and she was.
and the broken bones
of her feet would spell out,
genevieve,
and i’d run quickly
after i’d found her buried
under pine branches,
caking dirt into the forest floor,
that’s what
she was.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
no scrubs
so. i've never listened to radiohead before.
then once upon a time i did.
so i am right now.
totally inspired,
as it should be.
gonna write a chapbook.
i want to submit to sister spit's chapbook award,
yeee.
fiction/poems, iz cool.
then once upon a time i did.
so i am right now.
totally inspired,
as it should be.
gonna write a chapbook.
i want to submit to sister spit's chapbook award,
yeee.
fiction/poems, iz cool.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
mewmew
Bast (Bastet, Pasch, Ubasti, Ba en Aset) - Daughter of the sun god Ra, wife of Ptah, and mother of Mihos, Bast is an ancient Egyptian goddess who is still greatly revered by many today. Her worship began around the year 3200 BCE during the second dynasty in northern Egypt and her city is Bubastis. There, and in many other ancient cities, Egyptians celebrated Bast’s feast day, October 31st, with great joy and enthusiasm honouring their goddess, their protectress. Related to Neith, the Night Goddess, Bast symbolized the moon in its function of making a woman fruitful, with swelling womb. She was also the Egyptian Goddess of pleasure, music, dancing and joy, and associated with the Eye of Ra, acting as the instrument of the Sun God's vengeance.
Bast is the Sacred Cat and her name means devouring lady. She is depicted as having the body of a woman and the head of a domestic cat. She holds the sacred rattle, Sistrum, and she possesses Utchat, the divine, all-seeing eye of Ra.
Indeed, the people of ancient Egypt turned to Bast for protection and for blessing, as she was a renowned and beloved goddess. She was the protectress of women, children, and domestic cats. She was the goddess of sunrise, music, dance, and pleasure as well as family, fertility, and birth.
(from http://www.moggies.co.uk/bastet/bastet.html)
"bastet" by susan seddon boulet
Bast is the Sacred Cat and her name means devouring lady. She is depicted as having the body of a woman and the head of a domestic cat. She holds the sacred rattle, Sistrum, and she possesses Utchat, the divine, all-seeing eye of Ra.
Indeed, the people of ancient Egypt turned to Bast for protection and for blessing, as she was a renowned and beloved goddess. She was the protectress of women, children, and domestic cats. She was the goddess of sunrise, music, dance, and pleasure as well as family, fertility, and birth.
(from http://www.moggies.co.uk/bastet/bastet.html)
"bastet" by susan seddon boulet
Friday, January 1, 2010
carpet munching: a look at what's likely to happen(for me) in 2010
january - 7 of cups - ground fantasies into reality or they will stay as daydreams. take ACTION! whatever it is i want, obtain it by doing instead of dreaming.
february - ace of wands - energy of life; power, excitment, sexual desire; enthusiasim to begin new projects, may overwhelm others.
march - 3 of cups - joy! emotional sharing, open expression of feeling, cooperation with no one in charge; women; friendship, family; give freely with love; life is good!
april - ace of pentacles - gift of reality; security, wealth, promise of success with business and creative projects; starting point in my quest for a worth while life.
may - queen of wands (reversed) - confronts adversity and suffering; tackle the problem or help others, if not, the situation may force me to want to leave.
june - king of pentacles (reversed) - set back or loss makes me question myself; will need outside achievements to justify.
july - nine of cups (reversed) - truth, loyalty, liberty; looks beyond pleasure for deeper happiness.
august - page of wands - eager, excited, ready to try new things; loyal friend or lover-no duplicity in this person.
september - the star - hope, optimisim, bright prospects, calm and confidence in the future; release and new life.
october - the chariot - strong will; deal with a difficult situation through force of personality; confidence and belief in potential solutions; my successes are admired by others.
november - ace of cups - love rules life, not power; feminine sexual energy; hand of god; emotions.
december - 2 of wands - learn to share successes with others.
february - ace of wands - energy of life; power, excitment, sexual desire; enthusiasim to begin new projects, may overwhelm others.
march - 3 of cups - joy! emotional sharing, open expression of feeling, cooperation with no one in charge; women; friendship, family; give freely with love; life is good!
april - ace of pentacles - gift of reality; security, wealth, promise of success with business and creative projects; starting point in my quest for a worth while life.
may - queen of wands (reversed) - confronts adversity and suffering; tackle the problem or help others, if not, the situation may force me to want to leave.
june - king of pentacles (reversed) - set back or loss makes me question myself; will need outside achievements to justify.
july - nine of cups (reversed) - truth, loyalty, liberty; looks beyond pleasure for deeper happiness.
august - page of wands - eager, excited, ready to try new things; loyal friend or lover-no duplicity in this person.
september - the star - hope, optimisim, bright prospects, calm and confidence in the future; release and new life.
october - the chariot - strong will; deal with a difficult situation through force of personality; confidence and belief in potential solutions; my successes are admired by others.
november - ace of cups - love rules life, not power; feminine sexual energy; hand of god; emotions.
december - 2 of wands - learn to share successes with others.
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