Wednesday, September 30, 2009

beautiful things

won't you help a brother out

take me to your leader you sexy russian. oct. 30, can i kick it? yes i can.

odalisque with striped pants, matisse

and i'd name her odessa because her eyes would sleep like the south

can we

just talk about how freakin cute bats are....yeah i have echolocation, what of it

sunnycrest drive, oak park, ca

the hills were totally golden. the type of golden that sneaks up behind you when you're driving up a hill against the sun (while listening to bob dylan's "gates of eden") and you just smile because you've never seen the dead, brushy hills look so brilliant.

themselves and aes rock

neck tattoo, here comes i.

send me money
and music
and beats
and vieves
and fevas
and kittens
and my mom
and my pops
and rose bowl
and more boxer briefs
and typewriters
and cuties
and hand tattoos
and spats
and cole valley cafe
and baked tofu
and someone to cook for
and peace out like trout

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Saturday, September 26, 2009

went into piedmont boutique today...just as 2 tabs of acid hit me...righteous. 

Friday, September 25, 2009

dad's $$$$

wow you have all reached a new lame......coke is so cool, right?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

snapped crackin

catharsis set in banshee demons cross plains of provisions harvested for organ donations and the sirens be screaming at the waves for chastising their chastity and maybe the junkies aren’t all that it’s cracked up to be and I fled the valley, finally. running up rolling paper maché mountains past the machine of the maker and hell was a steeper climb than angel dust and somewhere someone’s laughing at my chest breathing heavily, sign around my neck marked, I’m a runner, but faster at walking, and I’m trying to tighten the knots in my stomach that account for every broken piece that’s been spit at me. and I found my one way ticket to hell without unforgivable sins or even dying, just ended up with beats of turn table scratching at the floor boards to send me furthermore, I found it: hell without river styx sparking flames to ignite my body dangling downwards by my ankles – tie me, I’m ready for the suffocation of stability, never thought my own secretion would betray me. met the devil on an accordion binge at tight rope walking, came charging up to me balanced on cardboard feet, dressed like a beast, kissed cheeks like whores at the onyx gates, smelled filthy, she said with jagged tooth smiling dangerously, if I go to hell, you go to hell with me.

Monday, September 21, 2009

below = the books......awesome band

an animated description of mr. maps

He saw Mars but he felt Neptune,
he had hoped to feel a certain strong emotion but this is all they had to say:
"I was the son of a man, and so we came together and we shook hands."
"We shook hands."
He often wondered what a million people would look like scattered randomly
across a moonless sky, and how unlikely it would be that they would all just say the
obvious thing:
"You may call me brother now."
"Yes, brother, I know."

He is forty two,
five-feet-eight-inches tall,
normally wears his curly hair long.
He has a ruddy complexion, broad shoulders and is barrel-chested,
is unusually strong.
He frequently wears a full beard and sometimes glasses.
He is a college graduate, a talented artist, and sculptor.
Now, Maps is a soft-spoken loner, who resents society and all organizations.
Maps fancies himself a ladies' man.
He is an avid chess player, smokes cigarettes, and a pipe.
He is a beer drinker and loves to eat.
Maps is a man of widespread interests, who might very well be living abroad.

He felt lost but he felt pretty intensely good,
and he woke up screaming having dreamed of a color he had never seen before:
"I went to bed and to sleep, it was so unexpected, it really was frightening, and I saw
pretty much
the same thing embedded in my pillow."
He had no trouble recognizing patterns in the most delicate arrays of tangled lines,
but he had a strange fixation on partaking in nefarious things:
"Stealing, lying, cheating, gambling, fornicate..."

He saw red, but he thought five.
He was pleased to find his road trip was enhanced by number-color synesthesia:
"My trusty Rosinante bounds along the road very well, leaving the friendly aroma of donuts and
chicken tenders hanging in the desert air."

He willed away the miles while quixotically attempting to reclaim his inner child,
he was embrangled and enmeshed in something far too loud to comprehend:
"I want all of the American people to understand that it is
understandable that the American
people cannot possibly understand." 

Sunday, September 20, 2009

best show. ever.

save yourself

imagine what the spawn of aesop rock and sage francis would be like on a creative level......i would hope she'd be a lesbian and i'd hope she'd 

chapbook is turning out to be harder than i thought, but i will prevail. it's only hard because of printing out the pages so that the poems are in the right order. i think i need about 2 more poems to feel good about it. maybe three. ........andddd it's going to need a lot of work. 

Friday, September 18, 2009

but i'm a cheerleader

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

it's alright to smile back at me

wow, forgot how amazing blind melon is!!! or was....le poo

shannon was incredible...

Shuffle can to can nobody really gives a damn 
For every living day I give myself a hand 
Now I'm scroungy as can be 
I got all you normals looking at me 
I'll scratch a hole in my life 
So everyone can see 
My mind is a mind that I have come to know 
And my eyes can't conceive a world that can not grow 
And Fridays are always fresh days 
Screamin' at the sun, don't really 
Know what he has done 
He don't believe in God and a world as one 
So he rambles through the weeds 
Saying he will sleep beneath the trees 
And on the day I die, Thank God my Soul will be released 
I've seen all your eyes 
And I've seen all your faces 
Can you tell me honestly that you wanna be free? 
Then look in my eyes 
I've been lots of places 
Can you tell me honestly that you'd want to be me 

can't stand it anymore more

linger on, your pale blue eyes

this fallen angel could stitch a wing with a shoestring

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

chill with that ill behavior

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! this guy is FUCKING NUTZ! what i wouldn't do to get his brain

part of "coma"

....One for the heartless thievery turning my guardian angel harpless
And the rest to sweep the mess under the carpet (under the carpet)
I drag a yellow taxi meter behind every measure 
And charge cats for labeling me shepherd
"That'll be Six Fifty plus tip darlin,
I take cash, credit, check, money-order, gold and cigarette cartons"
Huh, got caught up in the universe tryin to zoom in on stardom
Forgot the passion plus the hatred, both were based in Carbon
Next time you wanna be a hero try saving somethin other than hip-hop
And maybe hip-hop'll save you from the pit-stop
Kill em all, yield 
(naw man It wasn't me it was Holden Caulfield brother
I just read and pulled the trigger)
Oh God, well leave me to tiptoe past the pearly gates
capture the halo, jet back to base, step past the chase
the bad taste of jet-lag and weight slackers
There aint nothin broken, where you at?
The pistons pump perfect, where you at?
The bass tone is Merlin, where you at?
This service is a urgent workin surgeons
Purging formulas lookin for an improper cause is whack

(Chorus 2x)
What are you saving, honestly? (honestly, honestly)
What are you saving, honestly? (honestly, no honestly)
What are you saving, honestly? (damn)
Promise me you gon shut the fuck up and recognize 
What you holdin aint really broken? 

I don't flick neeedles like my sick friend (friend)
I don't march like Beetle Bailey through a quick trend (trend)
I don't frequent church's steeples on my weekend (end)
And I don't comment if you formulate a weak Zen.
All I ever really wanted was a getaway
I'ma take a chance by letting a brook slide for what I got in my hands
I can not agree to follow a leader while on the borderline
A war without a reason for the Brady hates gore
Bring out your dead we can put em in a pile
And burn em with the novels for the kids then to admire
KIll the ones that speak from a different life 
Brewin other killer noise makin the sentiment...
Okay, welcome to the Kamikaze bottle rocket cockpit
Live by the icy cold hand of bad intention youth blender
Oh yeah I'll let God warm the bench for now but 
I'll ascend to spin y'all dizzy
(and for the record I'm bringin my t.v. with me)
Yo, let the commoners speak publicly
Then disperse eye jammies for cats that swear by third pupil
But can't see past the loophole
Motherfucker, my word is born like Siamese triplets 
With doctor, lawyer, rocket scientist promise
(let em grow leisurely)
Hey Mom, I'ma fix without my probe along this path
Once my shpeel's perfected I'ma save you a seat in the front row
Of Aesop Rock's twelve steps to shut the fuck up seminar
And when all these bickering crowds turn solid you gon be proud
I tack hacks to the (backboard)
Honesty's a (latchcord)
Fury's far from (obsolete)
Serenity's a (crack war)*
Raw caricature of mayhem standard branded by the labor
With a thousand reasons to end this for every one of you saviors
Saw the brightest burst ironically wide from the vacant stage
Gave it a pound for burning where bunk ratio's engaged
Keep me posted as to when you grasp something mature to 
sit and sulk about mister, and I'll consider pickin up your record

The Authors, they aint got nothin to save
The Overground, man they aint got nothin to save
Def Jux, they aint got nothin to save
The Addams Family, they aint got nothin to save
Weightless, they aint got nothin to save
Stronghold man, they aint got nothin to save
Rhymesayers baby, they aint got nothin to save
Aesop Rock, I aint got nothin to save

it's like that

mah lady

are you reading this? 
you're fucking cute
the most beautiful person i've ever met in my life...until i meet kate winslet, of course then things might change...teheehee

grace is gone

ahhh dmb that voice that voice!!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

all four elements

tarot is the most intricate and beautiful thing i've ever come across. everything has a meaning. guess it's a lot like life. 

all this and more

so i've always heard that cliche quote, "music saved my life" and honestly, i think i may have been the one that thought that one up, but in any case, it's so true. music is the lifeblood of all that is anything. whenever a difficult (or awesome!) situation is on the rise, there is always that song that turns up and saves the day (or adds to the beauty). I've had so many bands kick the shit out of my depressive episodes and when i hear them it reminds me of those times and how far i've come.

winter-spring last year: 

-dave matthews band: (i want to crawl into my body and be reborn whenever i hear that man's voice), most importantly: "fool to think", "grace is gone", "crash into me", "satellite", "where are you going", "space between".
-dead can dance: "rakim" (favored son, turn in the garden, shades of one, sins forgotten, favored signs to find hope in the rounds of life, favored rhymes to find hope in the sands of life--favored son, fence in your heart, saviored son, sins forgotten), all the songs on "toward the within", live and sounding so amazing, "cantara" (esp. the end!) -- bold statement: the best live album i've ever heard. 
-the decemberists: "crane wife 1 & 2" (wow, inspired me enough to write a short play), "crane wife 3"...sound of colin meloy's voice sends me straight to eastern europe crica 1938-1945
-cocorosie: "werewolf" --no words to express what that song means to me
-souls of mischief: "like when i put on souls of mischief, ’93 ‘til infinity/to take the heat off the nerves of losing my lady virginity/and we did it quietly/because her name sitting in my throat was asphyxiating/and i wish i had a coming out story that was a little more clever/so the story would always be entertaining" teheehee
-mazzy star: "into dust"
-natalie merchant: hey, girlfriend, hey. "retrospective 1995-2005" album.
-end all, be all goes to: stars; when there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire. holy shit. "your ex lover is dead". whenever i hear that song i get the chills. i never listen to it anymore, because i "don't need to" but wowza, if any song helped me it was that one. wow dude. 

summer - fall 2009:

-BEIRUT!: yeah that's all i can say about that!
-aesop rock: "labor days" (album), "odessa", "water" (!!!), "spare a match"
-sage: oh, sage. most everything off "personal journals", "THREEWRITE" -- one of the most important songs to me, "hell of a year", "crumble", "sun vs. moon", but really--everything he's ever written, except "kill your momz". 
-magnetic fields: been there since high school, ah, love the pop songs of stephin merritt
-themselves: "it's them"
-sole: "bottle of humans", "furthermore" (anticon) 
-the adverts: "crossing the red sea with the adverts" album
-television: "marquee moon"
-broken social scene: "anthem for a 17 year old girl"
-dirty projectors: "stillness is the move"

and then some

or something

salvatore portaro

there are about 50 salvatore portaros in my family...that's a lie...there's 4 i think and one of them is my pops. 20th century poetry professor just hooked me up with her friend sal portaro's e-mail address because we are obviously related....going to get to the bottom of this family mystery! the portaro's are crazy and all name their kids the same thing

my great uncle is tom: 

so dope

Saturday, September 12, 2009

zero energy

hate sore throats and no energy, but arrested development is the best medicine.
wish i had a cuddle partner!



lucerne, switzerland, july 2006 vs. san francisco, california, september 2009

and the winner for craziest electrical storm goes to: san francisco much electric energy in the air right now, so much insanity is going to happen today (positive insanity)!

p.s. thunder is something i totally relate to god.......funny that this crazy storm would happen after that god/higher power conversation i had yesterday

the picture that sparked...

1,000 of my fantasies:

up on the roof, waiting for you

i think the adverts are my favorite band right now

my favorite dude+gaye=my '77 punk fantasy

damnnnnn gaye advert!

(434): I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
(1-434): Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.

Friday, September 11, 2009

pick boogers like you pick banjos

i'm not the one to endorse twitter or anything like it (blog? hypocrite? i don't know)

but this is some funny shit:

p.s. i WILL flick you like a bug if you keep being a little pest, let me style my hair in peace. 

Thursday, September 10, 2009



867 5309, call me sometime
and i missed you, i promise, on lockets and coffins and things we store our loved ones in when the time has come and i'll never forget that one time...when you loved me, too. 

damn ma, you musta been through some shit

new as of 15 minutes ago:

one time you found a rosary in the garden,

remember when it was cracked down the middle,

split like skulls of aqua rock,

i chucked it across the walk way

and you were humming, jerry come back to me

and maybe the decomposing of your brain

sparked brush fires and fist fights

and you buried it under rose bushes

and marked each gravestone with

rest in pieces

of puzzling clarity,

you’d rather spit up those 12 steps,

because they couldn’t force feed you sobriety

and you kept dreaming

and I kept hoping you’d see ghosts surface

from the moon’s shadows

and it hurt me to tell you that i never knew the answers 

but i didn’t deserve the anger

and i couldn’t watch my mother die

and i don’t even wonder why

she didn’t want me to know

that the blood flowing out her nose

was the same blood flowing out my wrists

and it mixed red like the poster paint

you can still find at the drug store.


and the drug store

has become a lot more

than mint ice cream cones

or developing pictures

from that one time

or grabbing a bottle of coke

to mix with

your whiskey dick

and i’m so helpless

picking up your prescriptions

to store in your medicine cabinet

so i’m hosting a pity party

for the refugees of the families

of addicts


and someone sold their sole prints

to the devil’s apprentice

and he’s making stone shoes for the reckless

and both my mother and my best friend have brown eyes

and they leave trails of lavender

behind ballet feet

and i’m kneeling over the caskets of what once was

and my mother,

wanted to be a nun,

a composition of god in a black habit

and my best friend,

just wanted to be a junkie

and that’s a composition of everything

in the world mixed with our bad habits

and i’m fronting you verses to work with

hoping you’ll pay back the debt

of prescriptions and robberies

watching my fingers shrivel and become skeleton

keys to unlock the psychology of that shit city.

and you say i don’t know a lot about addicts

but i know enough about my mother and my best friend

to stand up and hide all the razor blades in our house

and i know enough about addicts to try and not be one

and i’ll stroke your ego ‘til the angels come

and they’re coming

yeah they’re coming

you can hear their wings

and it sounds like resurrection.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

girls girls girls

wow, if you type in "jessie's girl" by rick springfield (introduced to me circa red dodge caravan with my mom) on pandora, all the songs "related" to jessie's girl are the soundtrack to the lex...lesbians love them some 80s rock

**edit: i'm not EVEN kidding, pandora-jessie's girl-lesbians-the lex-men singing about girls in a way lesbians can relate-omg so funny and so spot on

pandora sound track so far:

-jessie's girl - rick springfield
-every little thing she does is magic - the police
-i just died in your arms tonight - cutting crew
-my best friends girl - the cars
-she drives me crazy - fine young cannibles (are you serious, this song reminds me of the fucking jim henson muppets)
-every breath you take - the police (i must get off pandora, i feel like a stalker creeping in the night, i don't need that twice in one week.)

i feel so much more gay than i did 15 minutes ago and i listened to all this music without a $2 pabst 

letting off the happiness

eva-ree lil thang she does is magic, eva-ree lil thang she do just turns me on

someone else to catch this drift

totally my favorite song right now, atlantis morrissey is so flippin angry on jagged little pill that it's refreshing, you get him girl! 

Do I stress you out 
My sweater is on backwards and inside out 
And you say how appropriate 

I don't want to dissect everything today 
I don't mean to pick you apart you see 
But I can't help it 
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off 
Slap me with a splintered ruler 
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already 
If only I could hunt the hunter 

And all I really want is some patience 
a way to calm the angry voice 
And all I really want is deliverance 

Do I wear you out 
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out 
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary 

I'm like Estella 
I like to reel it in and then spit it out 
I'm frustrated by your apathy 
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land 
If only I could meet the maker 

And I am fascinated by the spiritual man 
I am humbled by his humble nature 

What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate 
Someone else to catch this drift 
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred 

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute 
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while 
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses 
Falling all around.... all around 

Why are you so petrified of silence 
Here can you handle this? 

Did you think about your bills, 
your ex, 
your deadlines 
Or when you think you're going to die 
Or did you long for the next distraction 

And all I need now is the intellectual intercourse 
A soul to dig the hole much deeper 
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying 
If only I could kill the killer 
All I really want is some peace man 
A place to find a common ground 
And all I really want is a wavelength 
All I really want is some comfort 
A way to get my hands untied 
And all I really want is some justice..... 

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

weird hotels

-kokopellis cave, new mexico

animalistic, caveman fantasies fufilled is a must

-caesars pocono resort, pennsylvania

-fantasy land hotel, canada 
and i thought disneyland was for creeps

notice the fine details of the carpet. oh, and the bright yellow chevy next to the bathtub

magic mountain hotel, chile

i'd be pissing all night if there was a waterfall on my roof

the five hotel, paris
imagine sexing up your lady in the middle of the universe after vodka and redbull, i might even throw up

-properller island city lodge, berlin
is that a guillotine over my bed or are you just happy to see me?
hey, i have really bad aniexty, do you have a room to provoke an attack?
i really like it when my sleeping space looks like the leftovers from a suicide bombing

i'm all about cages, obviously