Tuesday, September 8, 2009

me rambling like there's no tomorrow

too much reading about kidnappings totally made me out of whack today and totes unable to sleep. 

this one's definitely for me,
thinking about mom and the outcome of things and how this past week meant nothing and everything to me. sometimes people get pregnant or not and sometimes girls want to "beat the shit" out of me for standing up for myself (and you could! no denying it) and sometimes i think about cutting and hide all the sharp objects in the house because i'm beyond that but addictions never truly leave and that your ego be trippin (!) if you keep judging poems like that and women are powerful and i'm still learning how to be a good person and i'm only 21 and you're crying to me in a bar and i don't need it and writing is the best thing, next to sandwiches and i was creepy today and i hope she didn't see me and it's 3:17 am and i'm smarter than i was 3 months ago and who drank half my soy milk, i think it was me actually and i'm in denial if i think i'm not allergic to cats and love is so complex and beautiful things and ideas are born everyday and i know people who are *soul mates* and it inspires me and this month the full moon strap on fucked me and i'm so greatful for everything and lately i've been feeling mean and i'm not self loathing but need to organize my thoughts and my notebook is so far and the computer is right here and wow mondays are weird and yeah, so what i used the word 'baby' in a poem that i happen to think is great! suck my nearly symmetrical labia. and what is perfect anyway? and how do i save all the opressed women of the world? i don't. and 1 in 3 women in swaziland have HIV and i've been trying so hard to be objective and i finally learned how to step out of myself and breathe and blink 182 will always be my favorite band and tattoos are like peace treaties with my body and i can finally stand in front of the mirror and feel ok and that's amazing and i've only experienced true anger once in my life and it wasn't this week and i don't know why i said otherwise, i think in my head i was trying to be funny but obvi didn't come out that way and i was hurt by them not coming to support me, but finally grasped the reality i had been repressing: it's over and that is so ok with me, it is what it is, why did i make it a fucking big deal to someone else? and why did i talk out of my ass to someone that i actually respect and that doesn't intimidate me? nicole, just shut up and stop text messaging and i'd never ruin anyone else's personal property ever and i wouldn't wish scabies on anyone and i can't believe people throw water melons at buses and my skin looks great since i stopped smoking weed and pbr sucks but it so cheap and i hope that got that got beaten up at the park is ok and i miss my dad and it's now 3:47 and i get to see linzy tomorrow and what does "you make me crazy" mean? and why'd you come back to me? we're not even compatible, duh. and i can't stop thinking about my dreams, so vivid these days, premonitions??? i beat up lisa, so random and sharks and swimming and rose tattoos and crohn's and having to explain myself and fucking girls and doing it well and not being ashamed anymore and so proud of my mom and sooo proud of my mom and my sister and i talk now and i want to grow gardens full of lupines and traveling would be amazing and no more burritos from 18th and valencia i felt like my gallbladder was back to haunt me and apparently i'm not going to like to be tied down romantically and we'll see and blah and blah blah got to pee again, i do really want a cat though

ramblin like a ramblin thing....3:54 this one's for me ooh yeah for me

trusting hieroglyphics as poetic statements

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